​Words that Help: Using Affirmations to invite learning, growth, and empowerment.

Jack and Diane have come to you about their 3-year-old son, Jonny. Jonny is loving and playful and very strong-willed. Getting him to do anything takes lots of creativity and planning. For example, Jack has learned that playing motorcycle in the bathroom helps move teeth brushing along, and Diane has learned to avoid struggles with snacks and things they don’t want Jonny to have by just keeping them out of sight.

It can be exhausting, and Jack is struggling because kids are supposed to “obey.” Jonny should just do what he’s told without all the parenting acrobatics. Jack thinks they are overindulging.

As parenting experts, there are many ways we can teach about this. Let’s explore how we can use the Affirmations and the Developmental Jobs of the Child to create a safe space for Jack and Diane to expand perspectives, and empathy.

During your session with Jack and Dianne…

1. Ask both parents to choose an affirmation for each other as a reminder of the strengths that the other brings.
2. Remind them that Johnny doesn’t think like an adult, he’s still growing. Show Jack and Diane the Jobs of the Child for 3-year-olds. Ask them to choose tasks that Jack is learning and starting to do well.
3. Have them choose an affirmation that will help Jonny continue to grow in these tasks.
4. Choose one task that Jonny needs to grow in.
5. Choose and affirmation that would help them if Johnny believed it more.
6. Brainstorm 3 ways that Jack and Diane can give Jonny affirmations, through words, action, song, play. (If they get stuck, you can use the Affirmations Activity Book.)
   
7. Choose 1-2 Affirmations that would be helpful if Jack and Diane believed them more.
   
8. Choose 3 ways Jack and Diane can give themselves Affirmations.

Through this exercise, Jack and Diane will have learned that Jonny is doing an excellent job at testing reality and pushing against boundaries. With a bit of help from the coach, they see that both as a strength and challenge.

Jack and Diane decide that “I’m glad you are starting to think for your yourself, and You can say no and push and test limits as much as you need to.” Was a great reminder as parents that Jonny is just learning how the world works.

They also remembered that part of the process is for the child to test and it’s the parents’ job to set and hold the boundaries.

This changed Jack’s heart about Johnny’s behavior. He now understands that Jonny isn’t being difficult. He is just seeing how things work.
Diane’s heart became full of strength because she was reminded that Jonny needs the boundaries and rules to push against to grow.

Did you notice that as a coach, you didn’t really have to teach? You just provided the prompts and the space that allowed for perspective-taking and empathy. Jack and Diane were really the ones that created a plan once you helped them gather perspectives. 

Curious about the Developmental Affirmations? Click here to learn more!!